Well Hello There
Long time no see.... or perhaps that is what YOU should be saying to ME!
Its been over TWO MONTHS since I last posted and I feel terrible. I was so gung-ho to get going on this blog, to share my challenges and successes, and instead I disappeared, so for that I am sorry!
So lets start over, let me tell you where I have been the last two months.... although I'm not 100% sure you will want to know, so please read on with caution
Lets begin shall we....
In August I was super excited, I was happy, I had a new job and all was going great. Then I hurt my back. Not badly, but bad enough that my running was slowed down significantly (as in I was barely getting out for the runs that I was supposed to be doing)
Finally I started feeling a little better and got moving along again towards that 5 km race I was doing with my amazing friend Angela (Core Magnificence <-- don't forget to check her out) and then slap in the face # 2 happens
Enter September.... working away towards that 5km, doing my early morning runs, feeling motivated and suddenly Im sidelined....WITH THE FLU. I mean really, who gets the flu before the cold even sets in. Not only was it the flu though, it was the first time in over 10 years that I was so laid up that I could not even move from my bed except to the couch, the loo, and the kitchen for tea. Nothing was staying down, and nothing was staying in me.
Lucky for me though, I recovered one day before the 5km. What does this mean exactally... well it means that I had not eaten more than a couple of saltine crackers and some Peanut butter on the day of the race. Thankfully though, the race was at the Toronto Zoo so it helped to keep me distracted once my stomach started reminding me that it required some feeding. It was all fine and good until I looked over at the Rhino standing to the left of the finish line and thought "hmmmmm you look tasty". Needless to say I headed right over to the snack table as soon as we crossed the finish line (in 47 minutes I might add)
Now normally I would be disappointed in 47 minutes, but this time...HELL NO. That was amazing considering I was "running" (aka alternating between walking and running) on next to no food, no strength, and sheer determination to cross the finish line in the hardest 5km I've ever completed. I did NOT know that it was full of hills, and I crested every one of them (even though it was a little slower than I would have originally expected)
Needless to say, I will be attempting another race next year.... I'm just not 100% sure which one I am thinking of.
So that leads me to October (and into November) = Carrie feeling overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and alone.
Now I know that's not the REALISTIC picture of what my life has been like, but it is what it FELT like. I suffer from depression and for the first time in a LONG time, it came back and slapped me in the face hard. I was feeling like nothing I did was resulting in any success, that everything I was trying was failing, and I was worth nothing.
I know in my head that is not true at all, but it was how I was feeling. Then I slowly started to lose all motivation. I started sleeping later, having no energy, and counting down the hours to the weekend. Not because it was the weekend and I could have fun, but because the weekend meant I could stay in bed longer, and have to be "on" for shorter periods of time. Essentially due to money issues, family dramas, and lack of energy, I felt I had zero control in my life and lost all connection to the positivity I was used to sharing with others in my life.
Its now November, and I still feel tired in the mornings, but I'm slowly starting to find that motivation again and my new goal is to push through the negative feelings weighing me down and find myself again.
I'll keep you posted, but for now, here's what you need to know.
1. I'm half way into a 30 day cleanse (and feeling better each day)
2. I and working my way back up to the gym (its been almost 5 months since I was going consistently)
3. I WILL succeed in my goals (which right now are to drop 1.5lbs/week)
BONUS #4- I currently am weighing in at 247lbs and I never want to see that number again!
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