Quick little eye-opening experience...

OLA and Happy "almost" Friday

I wanted to take a quick minute to share something I found very eye-opening and inspiring today.

I am part of a group on Facebook in which people post different inspirational quotes. It is also a safe place to share fears, concerns, and desires. I was only invited over the weekend, and even in the last five days I have seen some wonderful and motivational comments by others to support the person who is struggling. I truly hope that in some way, I am able to provide that to the people in my life too :)

The Question posted today was "share one thing that is frustrating you, or you feel you are struggling with in regards to your health, self-worth, and food habits."

Here is what I shared......
1. Health- my cycles are very irregular and extreme pain each month that it is on the right side. No diagnosis and no cysts found. Nothing pinpointed and nothing showing in blood-work. 
2. SELF WORTH- i often feel that I am never going to be good enough to achieve all the things I want to accomplish in my life
3. FOOD HABITS- i struggle to stay on track on the weekends when we are out and about. I get really uncomfortable if I make a choice of something healthier and People say "oh are you on a diet" like Its abnormal to have a healthy tasty choice. frown emoticon

I find I feel self conscious when making choices. ... i don't know if that makes sense

It was so neat to see the positive way that people offered suggestions for getting past feelings of self-doubt and healthy eating.

I would encourage everyone to really take a moment to think about these three things, and see what your own answers are to the things you're struggling with.

There are so many fears that we as individuals have, and I think over time we manifest them until they become second nature to us. After writing the answers out to the original posters question I realized that I have come so far in my self-development journey but I still have so far to go

The important part is that what I wrote above is nowhere near as negative and self-loathing as it would have been a year or two ago. 

Back then I would have written about how I cant make healthy choices (vs realizing the WHY behind the struggle I have when out with people), and I know I would have answered about my self-worth struggles in a far more dismissive way (ex. I feel awful all the time, I am not good enough for anyone, I hate my life vs saying I often fear not being good enough to accomplish the things I want)

I KNOW what I want and sometimes the fear creeps in, but its a good reminder still of how far I have traveled, and it allows me to focus on where I am going to....

Until next time...

Care

Apologies, Embarrassment, and Moving past it all

Hello All,

I will keep it focused and "try" for short and sweet for today as I think this approach might work better

Firstly... I AM SO SORRY... I promised that I would be more consistent in my posts, and instead have been even less so than before. That WILL change starting today.

Secondly.... Remember that wedding I talked about the middle of January, well it just happened this past weekend. I wore the dress I had talked about, and even though I was not where I wanted to be goal-wise, I had a LOT of fun.

So there is the apology, but where does the embarrassment come in you ask? Well its more on a personal level than something overtly noticeable to others.

My beautiful friend Tina who was the bride on Saturday, got each of the bridesmaids a beautiful kimono to wear while we were being beautified before the wedding. All the girls wore them, but sadly the size that she had gotten me was too small. I never thought I'd be so sad on such a happy day.I laughed it off,  and told Tina that it was not her fault that my "boobs were too big" but in my mind, I was devastated. I never imagined I would be at a point where a simple Large sized Kimono would not close over me.

What does this mean... well it means that I am tired of being hungry all the time, feeling deprived, craving all the "bad foods", talking myself into feeling awful or guilty when I slip up or make a mistake with my eating.

When out with my friend Shannon two weeks ago, we ran into someone she had previously worked with. Her name was Tracy and she introduced both of us to IIFYM (go look it up  http://www.iifym.com/) with a slight twist on body type. What it essentially means is you're allowed each of the three mains (proteins, carbs, and fats) but the focus is on getting in all your fats and proteins and the carbs make up approximately 25% of your daily intake.

I have been loosely following it over the last couple weeks leading up to the wedding, and am heading into it more hardcore this week. I am actually feeling excited again about it. The low carb I had committed to was moderately successful but as soon as I went "off plan" and had some carbs, I gained back all the weight I had lost

So what does that mean for my personal goals....

Current weight- 255lbs (probably a couple lbs of water retention from all the yummy food and drinks over the last few days)
Food goals:
Calories - 2300 (loosely based)
Fat- 102 grams
Protein- 201 grams
Carbohydrate- 144 grams

I recently completed the #100HappyDays challenge on my instagram feed, and it really motivated me to focus on being present and enjoying life. I feel that I am going to take this attitude with the blog moving forward.

I am going to commit to really focusing on healthy food and logging the daily food intake for 100 days to see the overall result. That way, even when I know I am going to be away or focused on things other than "healthy choices" it will bring me back to what is important.... I'll keep you posted.

End of January Update

Hellllooooo faithful followers!

I just wanted to do a quick little update.

I have dropped from 253 (yikes that was a scary number) down to 246.5 since January 20th. Pretty exciting drop in weight.

I made a commitment to lower my carbohydrate intake significantly. I have done this in the past, and found that I feel so much better when I finally kick the sugar cravings

Sadly though... it is a lot harder than it sounds. The first week went like this
Monday- feeling good, great food, no real cravings
Tuesday- still feeling good. No real sugar cravings
Wednesday- HELL!!!! Woke up with a headache that would not quit. (I did a candida cleanse months ago, and I know this is a symptom of sugar withdrawals)
Thursday- DYING- headache increased, throbbing pain whenever trying to focus my eyes, my body begging me to get it some sugar
Friday- Starting to feel back to normal, resisted the urge to snack on chocolates
Saturday- Feeling back to normal, only better. More excited to keep going and focused
Sunday- Starting to see a little change in my face.

Thankfully I planned ahead and made sure that my week of lunches, snacks, and breakfasts were mapped out. Dinners were a little easier, I would just share with my hubby what I could and could not have, and we made choices together.

The following week was very similar. However this weekend was a little bit of a downward slide. My partner at work brought in my FAVOURITE candies (M & M Peanut Butters) and I was not prepared with a healthy snack, so I caved and ate some....and then some more....and then even more

Then I came home, ate more garbage, and then felt awful. Both emotionally and physically.

Saturday I woke up early (5:30 am) and got dressed and drove with hubby out to the local farmers market. It is filled with every kind of  meat, cheese, dip, and goody that you can think of. We selected some amazing cheese, some tasty meats, and a few new dip mixes for our veggies.

Sunday (today) I made a delicious Chicken Soup that is creamy and thick made with cauliflower, zucchini, and homemade chicken stock.

I am PUMPED for what this coming week will bring, as well as what the scale will reflect on Friday morning

SIDE NOTE- I fell down the stairs a week ago, and have not been crushing it at the gym, as it still hurts to move my left arm at all. I'm hoping that by the middle of this week I'll be able to get back at it!!!!!

Cheers and have a great week!

Mid-January Check In

so.... we are now 18 days deep into January....

What does that mean for you? Have you really even thought about it? Do you have goals you are working on? Weight loss? Personal Growth? Increased Energy? Please let me know if you do have a goal. I LOVE to hear what others are working on.

I am personally working through some rough patches in my life. I reached a milestone this week, and not in a good way. I went to bend over and pick up a "gift" my dog had left on our walkway and ALL THE BUTTONS POPPED ON MY WINTER JACKET. Thank goodness I was at home, and one saw that embarrassing event. However, I was privy to it, and that was enough.

Thankfully my coat has somewhat loose domes, so nothing ripped, but it still opened my eyes to the fact that I am nowhere near where I want to be right now.

So....what does that mean in regards to my goals?

I will be working my butt off to get back to the strength that I had 6 months ago. I will be getting back on track with my eating, and I will be staying committed to looking AND feeling my absolute best by the end of the year.

ALSO- I have a wedding to be in on April 9th and I have picked out and ordered my dress. Now I need to make sure when the time comes, I get to look as stunning as possible.

I figure I'll end this post now, and keep it short and sweet for today. Keep tuned and Ill work harder to keep you updated on my process. I hope some of you will share your goals and process too.