Quick little eye-opening experience...

OLA and Happy "almost" Friday

I wanted to take a quick minute to share something I found very eye-opening and inspiring today.

I am part of a group on Facebook in which people post different inspirational quotes. It is also a safe place to share fears, concerns, and desires. I was only invited over the weekend, and even in the last five days I have seen some wonderful and motivational comments by others to support the person who is struggling. I truly hope that in some way, I am able to provide that to the people in my life too :)

The Question posted today was "share one thing that is frustrating you, or you feel you are struggling with in regards to your health, self-worth, and food habits."

Here is what I shared......
1. Health- my cycles are very irregular and extreme pain each month that it is on the right side. No diagnosis and no cysts found. Nothing pinpointed and nothing showing in blood-work. 
2. SELF WORTH- i often feel that I am never going to be good enough to achieve all the things I want to accomplish in my life
3. FOOD HABITS- i struggle to stay on track on the weekends when we are out and about. I get really uncomfortable if I make a choice of something healthier and People say "oh are you on a diet" like Its abnormal to have a healthy tasty choice. frown emoticon

I find I feel self conscious when making choices. ... i don't know if that makes sense

It was so neat to see the positive way that people offered suggestions for getting past feelings of self-doubt and healthy eating.

I would encourage everyone to really take a moment to think about these three things, and see what your own answers are to the things you're struggling with.

There are so many fears that we as individuals have, and I think over time we manifest them until they become second nature to us. After writing the answers out to the original posters question I realized that I have come so far in my self-development journey but I still have so far to go

The important part is that what I wrote above is nowhere near as negative and self-loathing as it would have been a year or two ago. 

Back then I would have written about how I cant make healthy choices (vs realizing the WHY behind the struggle I have when out with people), and I know I would have answered about my self-worth struggles in a far more dismissive way (ex. I feel awful all the time, I am not good enough for anyone, I hate my life vs saying I often fear not being good enough to accomplish the things I want)

I KNOW what I want and sometimes the fear creeps in, but its a good reminder still of how far I have traveled, and it allows me to focus on where I am going to....

Until next time...

Care

Apologies, Embarrassment, and Moving past it all

Hello All,

I will keep it focused and "try" for short and sweet for today as I think this approach might work better

Firstly... I AM SO SORRY... I promised that I would be more consistent in my posts, and instead have been even less so than before. That WILL change starting today.

Secondly.... Remember that wedding I talked about the middle of January, well it just happened this past weekend. I wore the dress I had talked about, and even though I was not where I wanted to be goal-wise, I had a LOT of fun.

So there is the apology, but where does the embarrassment come in you ask? Well its more on a personal level than something overtly noticeable to others.

My beautiful friend Tina who was the bride on Saturday, got each of the bridesmaids a beautiful kimono to wear while we were being beautified before the wedding. All the girls wore them, but sadly the size that she had gotten me was too small. I never thought I'd be so sad on such a happy day.I laughed it off,  and told Tina that it was not her fault that my "boobs were too big" but in my mind, I was devastated. I never imagined I would be at a point where a simple Large sized Kimono would not close over me.

What does this mean... well it means that I am tired of being hungry all the time, feeling deprived, craving all the "bad foods", talking myself into feeling awful or guilty when I slip up or make a mistake with my eating.

When out with my friend Shannon two weeks ago, we ran into someone she had previously worked with. Her name was Tracy and she introduced both of us to IIFYM (go look it up  http://www.iifym.com/) with a slight twist on body type. What it essentially means is you're allowed each of the three mains (proteins, carbs, and fats) but the focus is on getting in all your fats and proteins and the carbs make up approximately 25% of your daily intake.

I have been loosely following it over the last couple weeks leading up to the wedding, and am heading into it more hardcore this week. I am actually feeling excited again about it. The low carb I had committed to was moderately successful but as soon as I went "off plan" and had some carbs, I gained back all the weight I had lost

So what does that mean for my personal goals....

Current weight- 255lbs (probably a couple lbs of water retention from all the yummy food and drinks over the last few days)
Food goals:
Calories - 2300 (loosely based)
Fat- 102 grams
Protein- 201 grams
Carbohydrate- 144 grams

I recently completed the #100HappyDays challenge on my instagram feed, and it really motivated me to focus on being present and enjoying life. I feel that I am going to take this attitude with the blog moving forward.

I am going to commit to really focusing on healthy food and logging the daily food intake for 100 days to see the overall result. That way, even when I know I am going to be away or focused on things other than "healthy choices" it will bring me back to what is important.... I'll keep you posted.

End of January Update

Hellllooooo faithful followers!

I just wanted to do a quick little update.

I have dropped from 253 (yikes that was a scary number) down to 246.5 since January 20th. Pretty exciting drop in weight.

I made a commitment to lower my carbohydrate intake significantly. I have done this in the past, and found that I feel so much better when I finally kick the sugar cravings

Sadly though... it is a lot harder than it sounds. The first week went like this
Monday- feeling good, great food, no real cravings
Tuesday- still feeling good. No real sugar cravings
Wednesday- HELL!!!! Woke up with a headache that would not quit. (I did a candida cleanse months ago, and I know this is a symptom of sugar withdrawals)
Thursday- DYING- headache increased, throbbing pain whenever trying to focus my eyes, my body begging me to get it some sugar
Friday- Starting to feel back to normal, resisted the urge to snack on chocolates
Saturday- Feeling back to normal, only better. More excited to keep going and focused
Sunday- Starting to see a little change in my face.

Thankfully I planned ahead and made sure that my week of lunches, snacks, and breakfasts were mapped out. Dinners were a little easier, I would just share with my hubby what I could and could not have, and we made choices together.

The following week was very similar. However this weekend was a little bit of a downward slide. My partner at work brought in my FAVOURITE candies (M & M Peanut Butters) and I was not prepared with a healthy snack, so I caved and ate some....and then some more....and then even more

Then I came home, ate more garbage, and then felt awful. Both emotionally and physically.

Saturday I woke up early (5:30 am) and got dressed and drove with hubby out to the local farmers market. It is filled with every kind of  meat, cheese, dip, and goody that you can think of. We selected some amazing cheese, some tasty meats, and a few new dip mixes for our veggies.

Sunday (today) I made a delicious Chicken Soup that is creamy and thick made with cauliflower, zucchini, and homemade chicken stock.

I am PUMPED for what this coming week will bring, as well as what the scale will reflect on Friday morning

SIDE NOTE- I fell down the stairs a week ago, and have not been crushing it at the gym, as it still hurts to move my left arm at all. I'm hoping that by the middle of this week I'll be able to get back at it!!!!!

Cheers and have a great week!

Mid-January Check In

so.... we are now 18 days deep into January....

What does that mean for you? Have you really even thought about it? Do you have goals you are working on? Weight loss? Personal Growth? Increased Energy? Please let me know if you do have a goal. I LOVE to hear what others are working on.

I am personally working through some rough patches in my life. I reached a milestone this week, and not in a good way. I went to bend over and pick up a "gift" my dog had left on our walkway and ALL THE BUTTONS POPPED ON MY WINTER JACKET. Thank goodness I was at home, and one saw that embarrassing event. However, I was privy to it, and that was enough.

Thankfully my coat has somewhat loose domes, so nothing ripped, but it still opened my eyes to the fact that I am nowhere near where I want to be right now.

So....what does that mean in regards to my goals?

I will be working my butt off to get back to the strength that I had 6 months ago. I will be getting back on track with my eating, and I will be staying committed to looking AND feeling my absolute best by the end of the year.

ALSO- I have a wedding to be in on April 9th and I have picked out and ordered my dress. Now I need to make sure when the time comes, I get to look as stunning as possible.

I figure I'll end this post now, and keep it short and sweet for today. Keep tuned and Ill work harder to keep you updated on my process. I hope some of you will share your goals and process too.

Are you ready to become a New and Improved You?????

Why hello again :)

I'm sitting here, writing out my goals, looking at what I've accomplished so far this year, and making plans for where I will be in a year.

I always like to reflect back on what you'd like to do next, but I also really wanted to spend a little time looking at what I can do NOW to improve myself later. To be clear, when I say improve, I am not just talking weight loss/size goals, I focus on my whole "person" so mental, spiritual, and emotional parts.

 When I say "in a year" I'm not talking "new years resolutions" because lets be honest, those NEVER stick.

So instead, I am saying this... and really give it some though....

What are FIVE things you are going to accomplish between now and December 2016 that will help you to become the "new and improved you"

Here are my five

1. Get back into horseback riding
2. Finish my book to raise funds for Collie Rescue Network
3. Drop 4 sizes (because weight is great, but new clothing is even better) and  log my food every day, even on the cheat days!
4. Spend more time each day focusing on me, and what I need to do that day to be better than the day before
5. Remember to be grateful every single day (see http://www.coremagnificence.com/blog/spirit/what-are-you-grateful-for/  if you'd like more guidance on how to put your thoughts to paper)

So I ask again... what are five things you are going to gift yourself with for the next 360+ days????

If you're looking for a Monday morning motivation, head over to http://www.coremagnificence.com/ and sign up for her weekly motivational message. It always helps me feel motivated after a weekend!

Good luck, and please post below if you feel confident that you'd like to join in my 360 days to a New and Improved You :)

Looking forward to hearing some great goals

P.S. I use www.myfitnesspal.com to track my food, so if you're looking for a friend on there, its under maddiebabe :)

Cheers

Be understanding, be motivated, be grateful

Wow....only 4 days between posts--> already a win in my books

I am feeling pretty pumped tonight for a plethora of reasons (25 cent word of the day)

Here are just a few of them:

1. I had an AMAZING and motivating chat last night with someone who has encouraged me for the last year to face my fears and own my future, and I finally clicked with it

2. I got up and got a work out in this morning, something I have not been motivated to do in MONTHS, and to top it all off, I did NOT stop even when I wanted to. 

3. I have dropped 2 pounds in the last 6 days by sticking to my food and the 30 day challenge

4. I have restarted my grateful log, sharing 5 things/day that I am grateful for 

It is freeing and energizing to be able to find motivation in the small things again. To wake up early and NOT be tired, to look at the scale and see movement, and not expect huge leaps, to write out every day something that I am blessed to have in my life. All these things truly help me to grow stronger mentally and physically every single day!

I had someone ask me "what was it that got you through your darkest days this time" so while I'm here, I might as well share that "thing" with you too.

Actually, there are a few things (or rather people) who have helped me in the last few months

Jason- My amazing, wonderful, supportive and often sarcastic and teasing husband. Always there, always attentive, and always encouraging me to step up to the challenge There really is not enough words to describe how I feel about this man

Shannon- Wow, I don't even know what to say about this one. She has been an amazing friend, supporter, shoulder to cry and vent on, and most recently, and magician. She helped me to leave a horrible toxic work environment, and find something I love that I did not even know I was searching for!

Angela- AKA Core Magnificence, aka my rock, and the support I have needed that I didn't even know I had asked for. Always lending an ear, and always looking for the next challenge to do with me!

Hayley- My very dear friend who has been there throughout a lot of ups and downs in my life the past few years, and this time was no different. She offered me a job in 2008, and she was there and offering a new challenge I did not even know I needed a few months ago.

Jackie- Well my feelings are mixed on this one. She is this amazing, wonderful, kind, encouraging, and supportive friend. She is always there to listen when I'm stressing, shares with me when I'm happy and excited, and the funniest part, I feel I've known her forever. In actuality though...I've never even met her!!! But man oh man she is a firecracker. The only reason my feelings are "mixed" on her is because I cant decide if shes my soul sister from a different province, or a heaven-sent angel there to offer unbiased guidance when I don't know how to ask for it.

Debbie and Jer- These friends of mine. They encourage and support Jason and I on our journey to a newer healthier happier"us". They offer humour, entertaining updates on their progress (check out the hashtag #GetFitWithJer) and they are always ready and willing to listen when we need a different perspective. Plus Deb lets me spend time with her horse so that's always a win, emotionally and physically haha)

All in all, there are a TON more people who have contributed to where I am now, but these are just the ones who have made the most significant impact in the last few weeks.

So there you have it for tonight

4 things I am excited about, and 6 (well 7 if you count Jer) of the most significant pieces of the puzzle that have pushed me and helped me to stay motivated!

xoxo see you all soon!

Lack of Energy and Loss of Motivation

Well Hello There

Long time no see.... or perhaps that is what YOU should be saying to ME!

Its been over TWO MONTHS since I last posted and I feel terrible. I was so gung-ho to get going on this blog, to share my challenges and successes, and instead I disappeared, so for that I am sorry!

So lets start over, let me tell you where I have been the last two months.... although I'm not 100% sure you will want to know, so please read on with caution

Lets begin shall we....

In August I was super excited, I was happy, I had a new job and all was going great. Then I hurt my back. Not badly, but bad enough that my running was slowed down significantly (as in I was barely getting out for the runs that I was supposed to be doing)

Finally I started feeling a little better and got moving along again towards that 5 km race I was doing with my amazing friend Angela (Core Magnificence <-- don't forget to check her out) and then slap in the face # 2 happens

Enter September.... working away towards that 5km, doing my early morning runs, feeling motivated and suddenly Im sidelined....WITH THE FLU. I mean really, who gets the flu before the cold even sets in. Not only was it the flu though, it was the first time in over 10 years that I was so laid up that I could not even move from my bed except to the couch, the loo, and the kitchen for tea. Nothing was staying down, and nothing was staying in me.

Lucky for me though, I recovered one day before the 5km. What does this mean exactally... well it means that I had not eaten more than a couple of saltine crackers and some Peanut butter on the day of the race. Thankfully though, the race was at the Toronto Zoo so it helped to keep me distracted once my stomach started reminding me that it required some feeding. It was all fine and good until I looked over at the Rhino standing to the left of the finish line and thought "hmmmmm you look tasty". Needless to say I headed right over to the snack table as soon as we crossed the finish line (in 47 minutes I might add)

Now normally I would be disappointed in 47 minutes, but this time...HELL NO. That was amazing considering I was "running" (aka alternating between walking and running) on next to no food, no strength, and sheer determination to cross the finish line in the hardest 5km I've ever completed. I did NOT know that it was full of hills, and I crested every one of them (even though it was a little slower than I would have originally expected)

Needless to say, I will be attempting another race next year.... I'm just not 100% sure which one I am thinking of.

So that leads me to October (and into November) = Carrie feeling overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and alone.

Now I know that's not the REALISTIC picture of what my life has been like, but it is what it FELT like. I suffer from depression and for the first time in a LONG time, it came back and slapped me in the face hard. I was feeling like nothing I did was resulting in any success, that everything I was trying was failing, and I was worth nothing.

I know in  my head that is not true at all, but it was how I was feeling. Then I slowly started to lose all motivation. I started sleeping later, having no energy, and counting down the hours to the weekend. Not because it was the weekend and I could have fun, but because the weekend meant I could stay in bed longer, and have to be "on" for shorter periods of time. Essentially due to money issues, family dramas, and lack of energy, I felt I had zero control in my life and lost all connection to the positivity  I was used to sharing with others in my life.

Its now November, and I still feel tired in the mornings, but I'm slowly starting to find that motivation again and my new goal is to push through the negative feelings weighing me down and find myself again.


I'll keep you posted, but for now, here's what you need to know.

1. I'm half way into a 30 day cleanse (and feeling better each day)
2. I and working my way back up to the gym (its been almost 5 months since I was going consistently)
3. I WILL succeed in my goals (which right now are to drop 1.5lbs/week)

BONUS #4- I currently am weighing in at 247lbs and I never want to see that  number again!